So much changes in the future. In CYYAM. Vinc is right. Though there's going to be big changes here and there. But we are still one big family!

Really miss the time we had our singsparation(?) together, had all the 'hand shake' moments, 'hugging' moments with the sisters, singing 我们成为一家人. The time together is really priceless. Like you really can find it nowhere but here. With brothers and sisters. They are the right people when you do these things with.

今天听到了很多。尤其是大堂的时候，余牧师说：We should be acceptable by the Lord and not by the world. 我一直在做一个能融入人群的人，但是这是讨神喜悦的还是讨人喜悦的呢？我想应该是讨人喜悦的吧。因为不想做那个 odd one out 而‘融入大家’。 因为害怕一个人而‘融入大家’。这就是 Likuan。 太 'S' 了吧。很难改。但我一直在依靠自己的力量来改变。每有把它交托。就算交了也会拿回来。

Spiritual wise I tend to get really pessimistic. Not like the usual person you see. AT ALL! I keep having the mind set that I'm not gonna be able to do it. And thus I'm stagnant. Here I am, stuck. I tried to change but then I'm the one holding myself back.

A lot of times I wanted to give up. But then I think of the thing given to me. Am I going to just let it go. It's His grace that I know about Him. I may not get the chance to turn back if I ever regret. And every time I remember that God actually died for us and He love us, I will like "Am I going to just let go so easily?" But I'm having such a hard time even holding to what I have now. Sometimes I get really depress. Really upset that why am I like this. Trying hard but it seems like it's not hard enough. I NEED THE SOLUTION TO PROBLEMS!! I seriously cant go on like this FOREVER!


Oh God please help me. )):
Prayers got to help..

Had a long yet great day. ^^